what is age

yeah, the present state of the world is a huge shit sandwich that we are all forced to take a bite, but life must still be lived, hopefully at the first intensity

so when i stopped at the grocery store this evening after work i hopped among the aisles picking up my usual array of items, i'm a boring shopper, i buy the same stuff all the time

the hip and the want-to-be-hip [like me!] shop this particular store because it is located in, or at the edge, of midtown so it is not unusual to find the tattooed, the bohemian, the odd duck etc etc.  and most of these shoppers are young people

so when i was gathering my stuff i thought, a hundred years from now not one of us in this store will be alive

especially me, i'm 50 now, an age that is quite simply heading into geezerville, AARP territory, senior citizen country, but i don't feel old, i feel i'm still an idiot kid, around 25

and sometimes my inner idiot likes to come out and say hi

i put my purchase on the conveyor so the clerk can ring it up, the couple ahead of me were young, hip and the woman was voluble, she had a large personality that filled up the space with positive energy

this couple was a nice change from the usual nutters and beatniks who mumble to themselves, or try to convey such conviviality that when the clerk perfunctorily asks, how are you, the timbre of their voice changes to fake emotion

not so this couple whose pleasure in living seemed and sounded genuine, and when the clerk asked for her i.d. because she was buying a six-pack of specialty brew she laughed and produced it with a flourish

i don't know how old that couple was, i can't judge age anymore, but they sure seemed to be way over the age of 21 so i wondered why the clerk asked for her i.d.

then it was my turn at bat and the clerk asked for my i.d. i was buying a pale ale, i looked at the clerk and asked, you are kidding, how young do you think i am

i look like an older dude, my hair is grey, my disposition is, at times, cranky, but i produced my i.d. for the clerk, he read the date and said, that's not so old

for me, no, i said, but for you i'm ancient, i laughed

age ain't but a number, he said

no it is not, it is the measure of our time on earth, and no matter how old one might get, it is still a short time in the cosmic scale

but fuck me hard, the bags laden with my purchase were heavy and i was feeling every day of my 50 years as i took them home from a long day at work

i feel i am 25 but physics and biology tell a different story, one that says, don't lose your humor, big boy, for the years will fly by faster than the speed of light and you have only a short time here, better enjoy it as best you can, old man, for you have a free ride on the rickety rails to geezerville