the worst

the local alt-weekly newspaper runs a question of the week column.  the question this week: what is your worst live music experience.

mine goes like this:

i am 15 & dating this girl.  are we serious?  is anything serious at 15?  me, her & my punk rock friends go to Clunie Hall in McKinley Park [not two blocks from where i now sit] where the local punk music promoter, Clear & Distinct Ideas, booked the canadian band D.O.A. to headline.  a few local bands like the Vacant open for the headliner.

Clunie Hall is exactly as it sounds, a place where the rotary club would host its monthly crab feeds.  the accoustics suck.  who cares.  i am in my element.  i am 15.  an angry young punk who is fortunate to have a girl to hang with.

the Vacant are onstage.  the band is composed of local skate punk legends.  one, or two, if my memory serves, go pro in a year or so.  i don't think they released an e.p. or an l.p.  but i know their songs.  i've seen them live several times before & even hung out at their house which had a half-pipe in the backyard.

the Vacant are ripping shit up.  i jump onstage, do a little skank, then leap into the crowd.

next thing i know people are picking me up from the floor.  the audience, instead of catching me when i did my stage dive, parted like the red sea.  i landed on my head.  i am knocked the fuck out.  the punks are putting me in a chair on the side of the dance floor.

i realize what happened.  i even kinda remember hitting the floor with my head.  but i must've been out for a couple minutes.  when i come to the guys who lifted me off the floor & into the chair told me to take it easy.

they left me sitting there.  one by one my friends ambled over to see if i am still alive &/or okay.

i'm cool, i assure them.

my girlfriend [she may not have thought of herself as my girlfriend but i did] sidles up.  i'm groggy as fuck.  i put my arm around her waist.  i'm glad you're here, i tell her.

she looks me in the eye.  i want to break up, she said.

i watch her walk into the crowd.

i am still in the chair when D.O.A. takes the stage.