ugh!!!

i lost a poem, last night.  just as i dotted it with a final i.  i was using the old copy & paste into a google doc when i wrote the last line.  but somehow, i dunno how, cuz perhaps i maybe l'idiot, i deleted it.  since i primarily write using either my phone &/or my laptop & post many poems here on this blog, which i was attempting last night, poof! it was gone!  

dagbladit!  

i wrote it fast.  trying to stay within the self-imposed limits of a time schedule.  after the initial cussing & gnashing of teeth i thought fuck it all the way to hell.  the poem is no worse for it being lost.  i remember a few lines so perhaps i'll try again.  but at the moment, grrrrrr!!!

for i really believe, & try to live by, poetry is not a career.  it is not a job.  it is a thing i do in my life.  a way of life.  poetry abides by life & life abides by poetry.  if you adjust yourself according to its mad diktats for poetry does possess enormous power.  & it can be a capricious art.  

& but still it is an art, an ancient one at that, as old as human beings have taken a breath & expressed their wonder, anger, desires, titillations, appetites, pieties, stupidities etc etc. into song, into words, into language.  it is, at least for this old punk & suburban NorCal boy it is the best thing, other than being a father & husband, in the very short years i have had to live on this small ball of a beautiful blue planet.  

cuz sometimes i feel like caedmon when i look into the night sky & see, right now, jupiter.  when i open the night sky app on my phone - oh man! - & see we have mapped the stars & planets in our solar system, we track space debris & our own satellites.  & i want to sing as loud & as far as my breath can go.

there will be more poems as long as i have breath left.  i lost one.  i am still pissed at myself for losing it.  hell, i'll chalk it up to my own kind of antipoetry.  a kind of writing that doesn't get written!  i'm good at not writing too!