i should be sleeping but i'm wide awake.  it is near 2:00 a.m.  must be something to do with the 5-hour nap i took this afternoon.  the nap produced all kinds of dreams including a nightmare that took the form of a horror-exploitation movie trailer complete with a 3rd-person narrator.  i don't remember much of the nightmare except it was real creepy and sad.   but i must've needed the sleep.

it's been a long week.  a former co-worker, whom i dedicated the most recent dailies, died suddenly and unexpectedly at the age of 33 .  it is not my business to tell his story.  his death was like a kick to the nuts.  i am still trying to sort it out.  perhaps there is no sorting available.  a sudden death like my co-worker's illustrates the fragility of life.  death is always present.  and chance is what governs our lives.  life is the greatest gift.  even at its most petty, base and mean.  death makes me shout carpefuckingdiem.

at any rate, perhaps i'm wide awake because i've eaten a lot of junk food tonight.  nick and i spent our night at the happiest place on earth, the drive-ins.  an evening at the drive-ins absolutely necessitates the eating of chips dip and burritos.  i think the eating of crap is in the charter of the drive-in theater.  my belly is full!  the movies themselves are nearly always incidental to the experience of the outdoor theater itself.  a magical experience.  one that cannot be replicated any where else on earth.

i've written here that i heard -- and read in the paper -- that the last remaining drive-ins, the sac 6, is slated for redevelopment next year.  the parent company that owns the sac 6 wants to raze the drive-ins in favor of building a new strip mall.  i've rededicated myself to getting a few more nights at the drive-ins before it falls to the wrecking ball.

wish i can tie drive-ins, death, junk food and life all in a neatly written summation.  i can't.  because like life these things lack closure.  each thing is ongoing.  each thing contains life and contains death.  there is just the continuing present.  the drive-ins will exist until they don't.  and its unexistence will be just as long.  life too exists until it doesn't.  death is not, i think, the great thief.  death is like life is.  always there.  always present.