i find myself in a state of blah
perhaps a post-halloween blah
not blah as in boredom
but blah as a mild form of the blues
then again even during my favorite holiday
i was vacillating between feeling great and feeling blue

that happens

i found myself glued to twitter and TV
on friday saturday and today
i know what happened in beirut
i saw what happened in paris
i know the climate is reaching 1 degree C
we are near half-way to what might be
irreversible instability

i recall a TED talk by sherwin nuland
about his clinical depression
about how nuland developed his mantra
FUCK IT
when he felt himself sliding toward the black pit

seemed to work

i read a reply to an idiot's sorrow
agreeing, yes WE are all going to hell
so enjoy the ride

what a ride
what sorrow

if i could say FUCK IT
if i could enjoy the ride
if i could practice my own form of peace
my kitchen-sink buddhist practice

my own private idaho