yakuza apocalypse [2015]: .5 review

anna and nick didn't get home late this evening which allowed me a bit of time to turn on the roku and surf the offerings of our various streaming services.  okay okay, i admit i was on youtube for a while because i wanted to finish watching a short documentary on the late chilean avant-garde poet juan luis martinez [do check out his work.  all his books are available on his website].  then after the docu i went to amazon prime and found this bloodbath by none other than prolific filmmaker takashi miike.

anna and nick came home half way thru this pic so this is half a review.  let me tell you my impressions.  takashi miike does not let plot get in the way of his spectacular visual language.  in fact the director has yet to meet a plot he can't say fuck you.  i'm sure this film would make sense if you dropped a bit of acid.  or toned down the noise of your mind and just be with this movie.

the plot concerns a yakuza boss who is much loved and feared in a small japanese city.  a young man apprentices himself to the boss.  the young man is a bit of an outrider for yakuza; he refuses to get tattooed on account of his 'sensitive skin.'  but this kid can take a punch and is loyal to a tee.  then his world is pulled inside out.

because his boss is a vampire!  yes, a bloodsucker, undead , motherfucker!  before you can go all what the fuck there is an earlier scene with a bunch of elderly men locked and chained in a basement set to knitting.  yes, knitting!  why?  i don't fucking know.  it is an odd, cruel part of the universe of this film.  the elderly men's clothing is shit-stained.  they are tortured.  still they knit.

later a man dressed in a priest frock who carries a baby coffin on his back and speaks english faces off the boss in the street.  an indian who speaks hindi? who is in league with the coffin wearing padre karate chops the boss in to oblivion.  our young man witnesses this butt kicking and tries to protect his employer.  no avail.  for the boss is beheaded.  the priest and his henchman disappear.

the young apprentice comes to after being knocked out and holds the head of his boss.  the head reanimates bites our young man and turns him into a vampire.  oh no; the shit doth hitteth the fan.

what then?  that's when i turned off the movie.  anna and nick came home.  the second word in the title is apocalypse.  a showdown between vampire yakuza and just plain ass weird yakuza is coming with arterial spray and lots of bodies.  oh, yes, a goblin appears and warns the plain ass weird yakuza that another vampire is in their midst.  this goblin is the freakiest damned thing of pure nightmare.

i'd forgotten how much fun a takashi miike movie is.  balls out, splatterific, odd and goofy fun.  watching this flick is like opening the window on a stuffy room to a warm spring day.  it clears the mind and sharpens the senses.  or warps the mind and distorts the senses.  i'll go for the former.  watching a really bad movie is one of the reasons to stay alive.