all i have to do is dream

perhaps it was the heat. i've had some vivid dreams, nearly hallucinogenic epics that might be in a certain light nightmares. rather than feel fear i felt fairly safe even if that environment surrounding me was on the surface bizarre.

take last night for example. i can't recall the particulars except that anna and i were holding up in a massive motel or apartment complex. the reason why we were their long faded into the clear light of day. what i do remember is a uniformed figure who took his revolver and pressed the business end to my forehead. i knew he wasn't going to shoot, but i wasn't sure. i closed my eyes, felt the cold heavy steel of the barrel pressed hard against my skull. i told myself to concentrate on this here now. hear my breathing. listen to my heart beat. register this life before it is gone. then i woke up and that was that.

when i told anna about my dream and how i told myself to concentrate on the very minute particulars of the present she asked if my last thought was about my writing. fair enough question. but no. why i did not think about my writing or anything other than the very fact of my corporeal existence i can't answer. maybe it is because without the body the mind, and everything associated with the mind, love, cogitation, desire, fear, those things would be moot. without the body there would be no body here. without the body i couldn't even dream.