dr. seuss' the lorax [2012]

theodore geisel must be turning over in his grave. this is one of the worst adaptations from a children's book that i've ever been privy to witness. at least it was in 3d. even that sucked. 3d is over-goddam-rated. it's difficult to become immersed in the experience of the cinema with 3d because the story is an afterthought to the movie. rather we have a jumble of images that are designed at right angles so they can be thrust toward the audience and thus giving the illusion of popping out of the screen. ho-hum. what i wanted to see was a movie. not ride in a rollercoaster.

if you think i'm being too harsh the book about environmental concerns -- the lorax, remember, speaks for the trees -- is none too sublte take on teaching kids to be good to the forest and the critters who live in it. the movie doesn't even pretend to do just that. instead the producers seemed hellbent on creating a piece for the 99 percenters. yep, anti-corporate messages made from a multinational corporation. oh ironies! there is even a poster in the once-ler's factory -- the dude chopping down all the trees to make his thneeds -- that reads, i shit you not, 'too big to fail'.

give me a fucking break. on top of that the songs are so much filler. hum them? can't; too forgettable. i didn't recognize a single actor voice but for one. that voice belonged to danny devito who played -- wait for it -- no don't wait, i'll tell you because his character seemed to be physically modelled after devito, the lorax.

subtle as fuck. what? the movie's not made for me? it's made for kids? you wish. there is little a kid can take from this movie that isn't spoonfed post -- or neo -- capitalist pablum. oh no. i got nothing against capitalism, i really, really don't. what galls me is that this picture pretends to speak for the trees yet speaks only for increasing the portfolios of its producers. made for the dinero and that's it. making money from movies is a time-honored tradition. so is losing money making movies. and somehow a few good movies get made. this ain't one of them. avoid it. i beseech you.