not too much, not too little

i had to do a little last minute shopping at fry's, a giant of an electronics store, tonight.  the store has a huge selection of dvds from nearly every genre ever thought of by humankind.  its a treasure trove for the film lover even if we are moving toward online streaming platforms.  i'd forgotten how wonderful an experience it is to wonder among the aisles of discs with no set purpose and making discoveries. 

and yet my memory is for shit.  because i was looking for a film that was released last spring that i wanted to see in the theaters but missed it during its two-week run.  the name of the movie was right on the tip of my tongue but still wouldn't come.  i searched among the horror flicks, because it was a horror flick, and came up with nada.  that quote from samuel beckett about old age really hit home because my memory, and my once impeccable spelling, is like a needle skipping the grooves of an old fashioned vinyl lp.

oh well.  anna digs an hbo series about hollywood agents that i also couldn't remember.  the show i think was on the air for five or six seasons.  when i was at rasputin's in san francisco a few months ago i found a couple of seasons for dirt cheap that i bought for anna.  tonight i couldn't remember the name of the series.  i thought if i could find a season or two that anna doesn't own i'd pick them up for her.  i gave up.  i simply couldn't remember the name of the show.  but it was in the act of giving up and moving on that relaxed my mind which was frozen in concentration.  when i gave up the name of the show hit me with full force.  i remembered, entourage is the name, and i found all five or six seasons.  and then, i couldn't remember which seasons anna owns.  i had to move on.  again.

as for last night's adventure, the anger of violating our personal space is still acute but the comedy of the situation is alight.  i do not wish harm for the guy.  he might not even be a bad guy either.  most of us are neither bad nor good.  we just are.  people.  some of us are more evil than others.  some of us are more kind.  i'd rather practice kindness.  and let go of my expectations.  for in the letting go i find myself more often than not surprised and delighted. 

so in that frame, friends, every one, have a wonderful christmas. 

i'm still looking for a bottle of cold duck to help bring in the new year.