Monday, July 11, 2016

after work i promised to take nick to REI, the outdoors-person store.  it's his favorite place.  nick love all the gear, camping equipment, first aid kits and water treatment devices he can see.  i am the loving and dutiful father i take nick to the store where we spend an hour among all the cool things the kid can see, touch and hold.  yes, he did get a small something: a collapsible food bowl designed to fit in a hiker's backpack.

and despite my own mild form of the blues the field trip delivered a much needed respite from the despair and anguish i mostly have created for myself, anyway.  i've not written a poem in a couple of weeks.  i am reading several books, blogs, websites, twitter feeds etc.  but for my own writing i want something a little different.  i've taken to my notebook, and when i have penned a few lines, i am using a character i call the projectionist.  i am allowing myself to be messy as hell with these drafts and not worry about making a finished version.  hammer them out in my terrible handwriting then turn the page and wait for the next group of lines to come.

ah, lady be my muse!  or not.  i have great respect for the muse but i don't trust her.  she's fickle as fuck and really she is like nature, utterly indifferent to a poet's needs.  all i can do is call upon the muse and work like a motherfucker on my own. 

then there is life to be lived.  poetry and life are not distinct.  nope; they are the same, or similar.  navigating thru a poem is much like exploring the streets of your city and/or beloved landscapes, be they mountains, rivers or beaches.  being a poet, again to quote paul la fleur, is to find a new way to live.  i think giving our riotous era, the fucked up beauty of our world, a new way to live is by love. 

so it is that i took nick to REI and on the way there, and on the way back, we passed cal expo, the sight of the california state fair.  i loves me some state fair!  nick asked how they are able to set up a whole midway full of rides in such a short amount of time.  i saw the monorail, a mainstay of the fair, pass thru a couple of buildings.  the monorail is my favorite ride.  it is old!  i mean so old that state fair officials were going to retire the monorail on account of not having replacement parts for the cars.  that was met with old timers like me who love the monorail so much they convinced the officials to keep them running. 

just like me, old, older at least, and still running.  i am doing my best to practice a way to live by love.  i fail but as i quote beckett before i shall quote him again, i fail real good.


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