light in a week before august

there are those moments when the body wants to write but the mind can't think of a subject.  so you sit and stare at the screen.  for a long time.  then say fuck it.  and start writing.  something.

this morning i was reading a few zen inspired poems by jose kozer in his book tokonoma translated by peter boyle [shearsman; 2014].  call me a sucker for things zen.  i practice my own kitchen sink buddhism.  not formally.  but i sometimes fancy myself a foolish monk in the 21st century with the ordinary trials of a loving father, husband, poet and worker bee.  indeed, kozer imagines the japanese monk/poet ryokan as a reincarnated 20th century office worker. 

so there.  i was inspired by kozer's poems i rattled off a few lines in my moleskin.  so i guess i did write a bit today.  then we headed out to go back to the state fair.  this is the last weekend for the state fair.  the pop-country-rock band .38 special is performing tonight.  they had a couple of minor hits in the early '80s.  catchy enough tunes.  still video killed these radio stars and by the mid 80s they went deep into their hardcore fanbase. 

still, if a band can last the vicissitudes of time and perform as a unit kudos to them.  and yet, i was not able to hear/see .38 special tonight for the fair was crazy busy.  packed to the rafters.  we decided to forgo the scene and do something else.  we decided to meet b., c., and j. for a round of monster mini golf and dinner.

the world is a scary place.  i just bought the latest issue of esquire magazine because i had heard on NPR the author of an article in this month's issue.  the story is about how climate scientists cope with the grim news of their work.  civilization, brothers and sisters, is on the brink of collapse in the next generation or two.  i shit you not.  climate change is that big of a threat to our species.  how do we go on when we might not have any future.

as the monk said you live your life as well as you can until you can not.  be a good person.  practice generosity -- dana -- and lovingkindness.  don't worry about literary immortality.  work and live as if you are already dead.

we were heading west on the freeway going home.  we had a lovely evening.  the light in the west was this soft blue-black.  we could make out the scrim of light from the sun below the horizon.  late summer light.  the air softened from a hard heat to a pillow of down.  i couldn't help myself.  i fell in love, again.  the crazy world of 10000 things is always around us.  so is its beauty.  be positive?  i dunno what that word 'positive' means for we have little choice in our lives.  we are all here right now.  all we can do is our best, or our worst.  we might not even have to choose.  but what we have is the present now.  how will you live?